Just to answer a question I am sure has crossed many of your minds, and one I have been avoiding for quite some time...being as I am a very private person and don't get to personal in my journal, just some insecurities of mine...laying it all out in the open...nothing personal just me, I keep things to myself... I envy those of you who share your private thoughts with us in Jland...I wish i could be more like that.
Are Jeff and I ever going to have a baby?
In July, we were married 12yrs... for 10 of those years we have tried to have a baby, and have longed for one ...spent many months waiting by that pregnancy test only to see a negative sign and share many tears together.
It got to be quite depressing...Dr's visits were made...I was even on Clomid for awhile...without going into alot of detail in this entry it just got to a point where we looked at each other and said..
"If it is meant to be, and it is Gods will...then he will bless us with a little one"
We just had to let go, so to speak...and believe in our hearts it is all in Gods hands now...
If we didn't go that route we were going to drive ourselves insane with the thoughts of what ifs?
We have weighed many options...invetro, adoption and foster parenting...and still have not given up hope that one day we will have a child to hold in our arms and call our own.
Many times with Foster Parenting the children may be placed up for adoption and in your care there is a great chance you may be able to adopt them yourself....and I have read where you can choose the age of the child you would like to care for as well.... many things to think about....
Thanks to Katie for thinking I will be a great mom someday...and thanks to Tiffany for asking me the question, I didn't see it as being nosey....I saw it as a friend asking the question because she cared.... and I am glad I had the guts to finally answer it, and let you guys know....
So whether we have a baby someday we don't really know, if it's meant to be and it happens...
We will be two very grateful people on this earth!
All i know is all the time I have with my best friends daughters and my nieces and nephews is precious...cause I take them under my wing when they are in my care as my own...and I cherish every memory.
Hugs...
Terri
I'm so sorry you haven't been able to have a baby. : ( That makes me sad. So many people out there having babies and they don't want them and the people that really want them have troubles having them. Adoption is a good idea. I'm sure you'd make a good mommy.
ReplyDeleteAllison
I would never ask it just because I know how sensitive a subject it is. I have often wondered "why" myself but thought you would in your own time.
ReplyDeleteThank you for trusting us with something so personal. I know how scary it can be to "put it all out there".
And I too thing you'd make a great Momma! {{{hugs}}}
LORI
Awwwwwww Terri I hope you can have a baby someday, you would make a great mom, Hugs Lisa
ReplyDeleteAll joking aside, I find that special things happen Christmas Eve!
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
I didn't know you guys had been trying all that time. I'm sure that's hard for you, b/c I know how much you love little ones. :) I hope that one day, somehow you are blessed with a baby to hold and love. There is no other feeling in this world. I'm with you on just putting it all in God's hands, b/c I'm sure it is stressful constantly worrying and hoping you are pregnant each time. Even if you were ever to adopt, that is just a great way to make a difference in a child's life. One that most likely wouldn't have ever had such a good home life. You know I know that all too well with my brother. Now I remember us talking about Savannah what feels like such a LONG time ago. She's almost two now, and sadly she's not with her older sisters. She's in a foster home somewhere and they won't even let my mom know where or anything. It's such a mess. I almost wish things had worked out differently. Good luck in whatever God may send your way. If nothing else you've always got Beau. :) He's definitely a cutie! And I know he's rotten!! HAHA.
ReplyDeleteI wasnt' until I was 38 years old that I was blessed with my gift of a son. I would like to thank you for sharing a very special part of you. Hoping your everyday is a blessed one! Take care,
ReplyDeleteKatie
Yes, what will be will be. That is for sure. You will know the answers yourself someday. Like when jacob came to live with us. I had my tubes tied and NEVER planned on having another child. He just fell right in our laps. I was 30 years old then. Hold on to your hope honey!! Love ya, Shelly
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing that with us. A part of you I never you. One day, you will be blessed. Whether it be a child from your womb or a child that needs a home and two wonderful parents.
ReplyDeleteMissie
Oh my dear Terri, you were agonizing over having a baby and I was agonizing over wheather I was honestly religious enough to be worthy of writing in the Journals. I just want to hug you and rock you like I did my son when he agonized over his bodys constant betrayl and rock him and say "it will be alright", knowing it would not be ever for him, but they are moms words. I just want what you want for you. Love you, Granny Lucy
ReplyDeleteYou're an awesome person whether you're someones mom or aunt. They are indeed lucky to have you. I think you are right to put it in God's hands the harder you try I think it never works. Don't give up. Some friends of ours were married at least 12yrs, he from a Catholic family, her from a Mormon family, can we say pressure to have twenty kids. They went through everything and anything. They finally adopted a little boy that was one. Then for some reason they found out she had a hormone difficiency she lost weight and they put her on some meds.. then bam out of the blue she was pregnant. Then the year after that pregnant again with another. Now she's a fertile myrtle the hormone deal was what was keeping her from having kids. But I think that God finally saw they had unconditional love and took another child in their hearts as if he was their son and then rewarded them with more children to love. They are great parents and appreciate everyone of their children.
ReplyDeleteThere is another couple that was in Jland that went forever not thinking they could have kids. They even went as far as to advertise on the net hoping a teenage girl would see them and want an open adoption with them. They never got a baby call, but she is currently pregnant... with TWINS. Can you believe it? I'm sad because I lost that link awhile back and I'm sure she's had the babies by now. So you never know.
Take care, Chrissie
Ya know~I wondered about this too.....but over the years, have realized some people just don't want kids. Of course, I never asked either, thinking it was none of my business. Until you find/have your own to hold in your arms......TAKE MINE! No school today! lol.....The 15 year old will eat you out of house and home; the 8 year old will tell you just what she thinks; and the 4 year old? Well, in between the attitudes, you'll get sweet, loving, small hands that will cup your face and declare his love for you.........then kick you! Motherhood's great~Ok, just kiddin~
ReplyDeleteI hope you DO find a child or have one; whichever. I never EVER knew true love until I gave birth to these babies. Much love T~
Angel
I hope it happens for you, but you can be very happy even if it doesn't. And I'm sure you are a very special aunt and honorary aunt.
ReplyDeleteLori
You would be a super duper mama which is why someday I think God will give you the gift of a child somehow, someway. I knew you had been trying. I'm glad you have found peace...Love n Hugs, Chris
ReplyDeleteI hope motherhood will happen for you, but it is great that you have a wonderful, happy marriage even if it doesn't. I had my daughter Hailey when I was only 21... I had no idea what I was doing and my marriage was a disaster. We were divorced by the time she was 2. I often think I was put with her dad just so I could have her, which I am very grateful for. Then, when I got married again at age 30 to a wonderful man... I thought we would just have a baby whenever we wanted. It was not that easy. We tried for a year and a half and I had two heartbreaking miscarriages. Well, as you know I am now 5 months pregnant... God was faithful to me. A very close friend told me when I was grieving the miscarriages, "don't worry, God is holding your babies in his hands in heaven." I'm sure he's doing the same for you.
ReplyDeletehugs
Melissa
Terri. I think you would be an excellent mother. You and Jeff seem to have such a strong relationship and strong family values, sadly most kids dont grow up with that these days. I truly hope you get to experience this, whether you adopt or have your own, any child lucky to be loved by you will have such a bright future.
ReplyDeleteWith all my heart I wish this for you, and me, cause I wanna be a momma too : )
Big Hugs,
Jenny