Dear Alcohol...hehe

Dear Alcohol,
>
> First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge
> fan of yours. As my
> friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The
> perfect post-work
> cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around
> in the holidays,
> hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're
> stuck in the midst of
> endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been
> wondering about
> your intentions. While I want to believe that you
> have my best interests
> at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some
> unwise consequences:
>
> Phone calls: While I agree with you that
> communication is important, I
> question the suggestion that any conversation of
> substance or necessity
> takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call
> those
> ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact
> they do not want to
> hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of
> the night?
>
> Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do
> you suggest that I
> eat a taco with chili sauce, along with a big
> Italian meatball and some
> stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with
> a Kit Kat after a
> few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an
> eclectic eater, but I
> think you went too far this time.
>
> Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me
> that I need to do
> more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to
> hammer the issue home
> by causing me to fall down. It's completely
> unnecessary, and the black &
> blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the
> next day are beyond
> me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45
> seconds to get the
> front door key into the lock.
>
> Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is
> getting ridiculous.
> I know a little penance for our previous evening's
> debauchery may be in
> order, but the 3 p.m. hangover immobility is
> completely unacceptable. My
> entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper
> precautions are taken
> (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to
> going to sleep/
> passing out face down onthe kitchen floor with a
> bag of popcorn, the
> hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere
> with my daily activities.
>
> Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some
> years now & would like
> to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been
> the invoker of great
> stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the
> needed companion
> when I just don't know what to do with the extra
> money in my pockets.
>
> In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you
> carefully review my
> grievances above & address them immediately. I will
> look for an answer
> no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your
> possible solutions &
> hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.
>
> Thank you,
> Your biggest fan
>
> P.S. THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
> 1. Innovative
> 2. Preliminary
> 3. Proliferation
> 4. Cinnamon
>
> THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
> 1. Specificity
> 2. British Constitution
> 3. Passive-aggressive disorder
>
> THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN
> DRUNK:
> 1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
> 2. Nope, no more beer for me.
> 3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
> 4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out
> tonight?
> 5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.

Got this in an email from my friend Bren...thought it was too cute not to add in here... =)

               Have a great day !!!

                                    ~Terri~